My so-called life
The way your hair hangs down it hides away your face

It's been ages since I last updated; I actually feel quite bad about it. I suppose it's a combination of procrastination on my part, combined with a slight feeling of being overwhelmed by all the things I really should write about and haven't yet.

For you it's perfect, but it seems like such a waste

I could talk about my weekend in London, or my housewarming party, or my various attempts at decorating, or the Unfortunate Cashback Incident at Morrisons, or the Idlewild gig. I could belatedly post photos from my trip to London before Christmas, my time in Orlando, the trip to Kelvedon Hatch, random signs in shops taken with my camera phone. But once I write or post one of these things, I feel like I will be obliged to write and post about the rest. And I feel rather overwhelmed at the thought of that. I also am getting into a slight tizzy about what content I post on LJ, what content I post on my website blog, and what goes on my (neglected) Myspace page. Various people read different ones, and I sometimes feel uncomfortable writing about certain incidents knowing that they'll be read. But I really don't like filtering my posts in any way, and indeed, can't when it comes to my website blog.

And when I see you sliding past I make my plans

But I'm going to do my best to start writing a lot more, regardless of substance! And I suppose today's little incident is as good a place to start as any. I was feeling a little down, as I've been so unproductive recently despite having lots to do. Instead of fighting these feelings by doing some work, I instead decided to pop into Leeds to visit PC World (to check out monitor sizes, that's all, honest - I want a 20" or 22" widescreen TFT!). After I had come out - randomly purchasing 100 CD-Rs as I went - I felt that now would be as good a time as any to have something to eat. And so to Burger King (where else?) I went.

And then my plans slip through my fingers just like sand

I was in a slightly strange mood when I went inside the restaurant; I felt a bit down, and a bit thoughtful about various things that are happening right now. There was no queue, so I went right up to the counter. The girl serving me seemed to be from eastern Europe (Polish, I'd venture) and made eye contact with me as she asked me for my order.

I wish that life could be just like a photograph

Now, normally, I'd look away if anyone (especially a girl) made eye contact with me. Eye contact is a scary thing, especially when you have high levels of self-awareness combined with no real feelings of self-worth (a winning combination that pretty much sums me up). However, I really was in a strange mood. Rather than look away, I gazed steadily back into her eyes as I spoke my order (I suppose it did slightly psych me out - I was going for a super-sized double cheeseburger meal, but instead somehow ordered a super-sized Whopper meal instead).

One moment captured as you laugh your perfect laugh

She glanced at the reading on the till, and then looked back at me. Eyes staring into mine. She told me how much the meal cost. I handed her a £10 note, all the while maintaining eye contact. She asked me if I wanted some sauce. I said no. She said that the fries wouldn't be ready for a minute or so, and could I wait. I said that I could. All the while, our eyes never stopped staring at each other.

But that's a daydream, things could never be so right

Eventually, she turned around and retrieved my order, and I started to wonder about exactly why I'd felt the need to not look away. It was almost as though she was testing me, and I was refusing to back down. She eventually came back with my food, and handed it over, wishing me a pleasant meal. We held each other's gaze for one final, lingering moment, before I turned around and sat down at an empty table.

There's so much more to think about than black and white

One of her friends came around. They spoke in Polish. They seemed to be talking about something utterly mundane, as though nothing unusual or life-changing had just happened.

This is what my days consist of, and this is how embryonic my social skills are. Pity me.